I enjoy long breaks very much.. Like the last time we travelled for 2.5 weeks when Des was on exchange in 2009. And this honeymoon did us really good too.. Taking in the sights, sounds and fun at a manageable leisurely pace. But coming back to reality is a pain.

Like to realise that Singapore seems to be losing its soul. Apparently, our people rank really high amongst the most emotionless and unhappy people in the world. What an irony. To be unhappy and emotionless at the same time. And post-holiday blues always provoke thoughts about moving and living overseas. I wished I had done it earlier now, on hindsight. But I was honestly a coward, having no courage to move away from the family for a prolonged period of time. In my mind, I'm open to options from both spectrum too... Europe, US or China / Hong Kong. I talked about it but I never really did anything about it. I heard that it's actually very easy to go to China because of our billingualism edge. I was blinded by previous employers and finally found out that the Singapore companies make it hard for people to transfer because they are the ones who don't want to lose good talent.

And so I recall. That there was once a Director whom i worked with, who actually lied so blatantly. That I would need to take a demotion and a paycut to go work in China when i asked for a transfer. Glad I stayed clear-headed and left the company. Heartened that I loved myself enough and have enough faith in my capabilities to not have taken up the stupid route. Although in that case, I didn't get along brilliantly with this Director and I'm pretty sure she wasn't trying to keep me in the team. So I'm pretty sure she just wanted to close off all options for me in the company. Be it in Singapore or China.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I have no major complaints about Life right now. Not short-term ones at least. Long-term woes definitely keep me on my toes but i'm still contented. So detractors are not always evil. They do value-add in your life once you are able to turn the negative comments around. It was such a huge lesson learnt too. about humanity. That there are indeed people who are out to make life difficult for others. I have met many wonderful mentors since I left my first job, because of this Director. And she in turn failed to even deliver on some of her professional promises. I heard she's left Singapore for good... and I think it's good riddance.

Such episodes I will never forget. But it's really not out of pettiness, rather thanksgiving. That it made me stronger. So 2012 comes to an end... Major milestone? Marriage of course. Which turns the ball game around. Because the husband is bonded to Singapore for a couple of years more. And his job is unlikely to bring him anywhere beyond Singapore, where I can follow suit, even if it's just for a year or so. I wish there will be an opportunity for either of us soon. I would pack my bags and go. I haven't taken the risky step forward at any point of my life. But with D in hand, I think we can conquer more places together. I don't want to just travel. I do want to LIVE somewhere else for a while. And that would suffice. Really. It's just getting a little stifling.

Never know what the future might bring. Maybe all I need is time and lots and lots of positivity. And maybe, just maybe, all i want is to be close to Home and nowhere else. These overseas escapades are in my mind. It's good to daydream sometimes and just be able to travel to different places and eventually come home to family and friends each time. Like what my job bestows upon me now. It's not too bad really. :)

Unbearable costs

At the moment, everything in Singapore hovers around the level of unbearable expensive. After 2.5 weeks in California, I come back and realise just how our costs and quality of living have risen to be painful. I don't need a perfect Singapore but I need to be in a country that doesn't make me depressed thinking about my future . That I'm working hard enough to an end that will give me enough savings and assets not just for myself,my spouse but also my children.

The meals in California were the same price, only in usd and 1.5 times our portion often, it's good enough for two people to share a main ad appetizer and be full . parking was free half the time and the country on a whole was just gracious, in service and on the roads. I feel Singaporeans have forgotten how to slow down and smell the roses. Everything is about dollars and cents. I can't afford a car or at least I can't bring myself to buy a vehicle that costs one third of my apartment. And I don't think my savings are rising proportionately to the spending (only counting neccessities). Even more worrying to think about kids.

So the government pre aches about starting families early, about controlling the foreign talents, about helping Singaporeans. I'm feeling the impact when I know my husband and I are in a comfortable income bracket individually . I can't bear to think about those who aren't so lucky. And so what are the societal impacts gonna be? More angst, more irrational complaining and people who start to lose more faith in our government.

I love the efficiencies of our country. And I never take them for granted. But we are also small, so small that if the growing population and the costs are gonna push us away. And I'm not even old. I'm supposed to be in the prime of my career, willing to push even harder ahead and build the mentality of nation building. It sounds propaganda but it was indeed a spirit that the earlier generations held that seemed to have gone amiss. Anyhow, the point is.. The future doesn't always look bright. Not what we used to envision in school. I will be comfortable for sure, but for how long?

The richer are getting richer. The middle income class is struggling and the poor are getting poorer. It's one task for our millionaire ministers to meet and greet our people once a week. Another to truly know and experience what we go through. E.g. Take the public transport when their pregnant wives at peak hours of the day.